September 18, 2008

10 drinks real men don't order

As I was checking Askmen, I saw this story and figured this would be perfect for posting. See, when my girl and I went out Monday for my birthday, she ordered some kind of drink with peach in it and some other fruity stuff and she told me to order one. We got into a discussion about what guys drink and what guys don't drink. She drinks beer too so it's all good.

So when I saw this article, it made me chuckle because this was a topic we had a few nights ago. The number one on the list was the drink I told her no straight guy should ever drink.

In the list there are the ingredients to the drink and ways to 'man it up'. Find out what not to drink, fellas, after the jump.

It's so good to be legal.

- MX

No.10 - Tequila Sunrise

Ingredients: Tequila, orange juice and grenadine

Man it up: Try a Mexican Screw (Cabo Wabo Reposada Tequila and orange juice). It’s a great alternative to coffee at a dreaded brunch.

No.9 - Malibu & Diet

Ingredients: Malibu Rum and Diet Coke

The Malibu & Diet is a favorite of many college girls for its lack of calorie and carbohydrate content. Also, it’s an easy way to spot a Tri Delt on pretty much any college campus.

Man it up: Captain and Coke (Captain Morgan Rum and Coca-Cola). There’s nothing wrong with a rum and Coke when ordered correctly, just be sure to ask for the right variation.

No.8 - Fuzzy Navel

Ingredients: Vodka, Peach Schnapps, orange juice

When dealing with alcohol, “fuzzy” refers to peach and “navel” speaks of orange flavors.

Man it up: Screwdriver (vodka and orange juice). The Screwdriver is a classic cocktail found on many golf courses before an early tee time.

No.7 - Lemon Drop

Ingredients: Tuaca, Grand Marnier, sugar, and a lemon wedge

Man it up: A shot of chilled Tuaca. Its smooth and almost vanilla flavors make for a supremely easy shot that, with enough down the hatch, will put you on the floor nice and slowly.

No.6 - Amaretto Sour

Ingredients: Amaretto, sweet and sour and a maraschino cherry. A cherry? Enough said.

Man it up: Old-Fashioned Whisky Sour (whisky, sweet and sour mix and bitters). Ask the barmaid to skip on the cherry or you might as well curtsy when they deliver it.

No.5 - Strawberry Margarita (or any frozen swirl)

Ingredients: Good question. Who knows what goes into that frozen margarita machine. In my years of restaurant experience I’ve known bartenders and beverage directors to start with a sugary mix, cheap scotch and Sprite, then finish with any bottle left collecting dust in the liquor cage. You don’t want to know about the morning we found a cockroach doing the backstroke on top of the neon green glacier.

Man it up: Top Shelf Margarita on The Rocks (Patron Silver Tequila, Grand Marnier, Cointreau, sweet and sour mix, lime juice, and ice).

No.4 - Wine Spritzer

Ingredients: Cheap wine and soda water, often garnished with fruit. Here is another example of taking a perfectly fine alcohol and destroying it. A great wine should stand on its own. A cheap wine should never be bought.

Man it up: A fat Cabernet or even a Malbec. The only way to go here is in the total and absolute opposite direction. Instead of lightening a crap wine with soda, go for the stuff that puts hair on your chest. A nice Malbec has the taste and smell of an Argentinean winery, slightly dusty and full of passion.

No.3 - Any Alcopop

These include such bottled delights as Smirnoff Ice, Two Dogs, Hooper’s Hooch, Zima, and Mike’s Hard Lemonade. These are fruity malt beverages ordered by women because the don’t like the taste of beer.

Man it up: If you must go for a flavored beverage, try out a Bud Light Lime. It is still pretty new to the scene, and although it is a beer, Bud Light Lime has found great success in the flavored malt beverage market that Smirnoff has dominated for years now.

No.2 - Appletini

Ingredients: Vodka and Apple Puckers. This drink breaks two of the cardinal rules of manly drinks: Always avoid fruity/sweet flavors and glow-in-the-dark colors.

Man it up: Bombay Sapphire Gin Martini (Bombay Sapphire Gin, vermouth, blue cheese stuffed green olives). The only thing green about a martini should be the olives in the bottom of the glass. “Shaken, not stirred,” of course.

No.1 - Cosmopolitan

Ingredients: Vodka, Triple Sec, cranberry and lime juice.

The Cosmopolitan is our No. 1 pick for drinks real men don’t order. It has two juices and three fruity flavors for Pete’s sake! And for what? To take the bite out of the vodka? In our opinion nothing screams “buy me diamonds” or “I planned today’s outfit last night” more than this incredibly unmanly beverage.

Man it up: Cape Cod (vodka and cranberry juice). Order with caution; this is a pink drink. As a general rule, men should never be caught dead with a pink beverage in hand, but this one is acceptable in some circles.
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  1. All I have to say is those some big fucking mugs their drinking out of ... Holy Hell.

    Good, Good Article, I gotta print this out!

  2. yeah... but what's in that chick's top closest to the foreground is what I'm most interested in haha